evil i am. |
2001-09-03 - 7:33 p.m.
last night, you asked me if i could go with you to your aunt's labor day cookout.
this morning i told you i couldn't. you sounded so dejected that i wanted to cry. overwhelming feelings of guilt have plagued me all day. because, you see, it's not that i couldn't go with you, it's that i wouldn't. i'm afraid of meeting new people. i want to impress your family. i want them to like me. but it scares me to have to meet them. so i chickened out and told you we had our own labor day plans...when in fact we don't.
you came to get me at my grandma's house, and i only had an hour to be with you. you immediately picked up on my quite behavior and asked if something was wrong. i said no. i wanted to tell you. i wanted to ask if you were mad about me not going with you. i didn't.
we went to the lake. stood on the dock. i leaned over the dock's railing and you held onto me like you were afraid i would fall over. that was sweet. after a while of being with you, i began to feel a little bit better and started talking some. and then i had to go home.
i'm not mad at you. i don't believe i've ever been mad at you. but you probably think i am. and i feel terrible.
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