desperation || paranoia
2001-11-20 - 1:41 p.m.

a desperate attempt
to tell you everything
battled by a desperate attempt
to keep it inside
a nice middle
is reached
i cheat
you cheat
but i cheat more
in the longrun
it doesn't matter

sometimes i'm so afraid
the fear
that makes the heart stop
for a split-second
but long enough for you to notice
that sends the hot/cold feeling
from the inside-out
that pauses all coherent thoughts
and brings about a horrible paranoia

when i'm with you
i couldn't love you more
and without
it seems love
is less and less
nobody can tell me
how i feel
but i need to be told
right now
i am in a state
of doubt
doubt isn't even a term i should use
because it's not doubt i feel
it's complete not knowing
how do YOU know that it's real?
and how do i not?
who gave me these brains
that are cursed with the ever-present
did someone stand in line for me?
or did someone skip line in front of me, stealing my thought processing machine?
i'm tired of this
this constant not-knowing
and having to wonder

i want to feel
the way i do
when i'm with you
all the time
because without your presence
i begin to doubt
and paranoia
all work
and no play
early to bed
and early to rise
my brain is too fragile
for the beating
my thoughts give it

||john says: don't stop beliiieeeeevin' hold on to that feeeeelinnnn streetlights people| ||

prev */* next