desperation || paranoia
2001-11-20 - 1:41 p.m.
a desperate attempt to tell you everything battled by a desperate attempt to keep it inside a nice middle is reached i cheat you cheat but i cheat more in the longrun it doesn't matter sometimes i'm so afraid the fear that makes the heart stop for a split-second but long enough for you to notice that sends the hot/cold feeling from the inside-out that pauses all coherent thoughts and brings about a horrible paranoia when i'm with you i couldn't love you more and without it seems love is less and less nobody can tell me how i feel but i need to be told right now because i am in a state of doubt doubt isn't even a term i should use because it's not doubt i feel it's complete not knowing how do YOU know that it's real? and how do i not? who gave me these brains that are cursed with the ever-present worry? did someone stand in line for me? or did someone skip line in front of me, stealing my thought processing machine? i'm tired of this this constant not-knowing and having to wonder i want to feel the way i do when i'm with you all the time because without your presence i begin to doubt desperation and paranoia all work and no play early to bed and early to rise my brain is too fragile for the beating my thoughts give it ||john says: don't stop beliiieeeeevin' hold on to that feeeeelinnnn streetlights people| ||
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