what happened was this.
2002-03-11 - 4:32 p.m.

note: this is what i felt yesterday. however, today is a better day. my hope in everything has been restored and i feel a lot better than i have in the past month.

i cried in the shower today
in between washing my armpits
and my knees i cried
one of those my-stomach-hurts-i'm-crying-so-hard-things.
because what i fine mess i've gotten myself into
you say you believe in me,
that we'll be fine
and the "it'll be okays"
come from other people
this doesn't help me thought
no, i need relief
i need to know what
is going to happen
and selfishly, i want it to happen my way
i hate this
and no, i'm not really all that surprised
that it happened.

you told me, as we
were laying on my living room floor
that together we could get through anything
so i layed there in the same position
that i sleep
holding your hand like i was afraid
you'd disappear any second
and i thought about these things
jumbled as they are //were in my head
but my mind can't //couldn't get past any of the thoughts
it gets stuck on the "uhohs" and the "what nows"

but that was yesterday and last month. today is better. and i'm not making that same mistake ever again. so there.

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