more than most anything i can think of, i wish for a piano in my house. because that outlet has been successfully mine for almost ten years now.

my first piano teacher. my first lesson. he told me to close my eyes. he put my hands on the keys and he says "i just want you to feel, erin." no textbook learning, no mechanical playing, but feeling.

feeling.

so many times i meet the most amazing people, and so many times they leave me. and he, he was the first to leave. i was young, but it hurt so much. and even now, those ten years later, it still makes my eyes water.

sometimes, when the playing is most intense, that's when i think of him. when it's completely dark in the room, but it doesn't matter because i know the keys. i've got them memorized. memorized in a way that even memory doesn't know. it's like another world. when i'm playing and all of my frustrations and my anger and my happiness are coming out from my fingertips and forming notes]melodiessongs)music. there is only one feeling i know that can equal that one. and it's love.

and if i didn't have either, i would wither away.

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