i am almost completely detached. i am lonely despite this love of mine. i ache for hot, sweaty, long summer nights even though i used to hate summer. i want to be held by you, but only for a few minutes at a time. [when did this hand holding turn into a five fingers cutting off my circulation thing?]

my brain fails and my heart mocks me. advice from trusted people doesn't help in these matters and all i want to do lately is go out and have fun in the form of ubies lighters rollingpapers inhalingsmoke exhalingsmoke.

my first true love is turning into a nice best friend and my sudden crave for excitement is fucking with my mind. good times and nice bodies are taking place over love. my once stuck in a rut afraid of change comfort is best attitude has been replaced with a wandering spirit. i get tired and i play favorites.

i want to flaunt my female features to get attention and i want no strings to tie me back. sometimes i disgust myself.

the only way i sleep now is with pills and i've found myself smoking again.

my temper flares and my affection is turned on high. however none of it is focused where it should be.

german movies with english subtitles make me swoon and the counting crows suddenly make me cry. i have no freedom at all. and look what it's all done.

i
am
a
mess.

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