i'll never be your beast of burden.
2002-07-05 - 10:56 p.m.

he made me chicken alfredo and kissed me in between stirring stuff. he cut up my chicken into little pieces so i wouldn't have trouble eating it. we watched the royal tenenbaums [did i spell that right?] while laying on the couch. he was on the bottom and i was on top of him. i could feel his hip bone poking into my stomach. and when he laughed, he would shake my whole body. after the movie, while van morrison was playing at the very end, we stood up and it got very frustrating. frustrating because i wanted him to touch me in ways that he couldn't right then. frustrating because his body and his face and his mind and everything is so amazing that i want to be part of it in every single way but i couldn't tonight. i love the way we look afterward. so disheveled and pinkcheeked and fluffyheaded. redmouths and wrinkled clothes and smiles. it was cool and dark when we went back outside. there were so many lightning bugs that i was running into them. we got into his car and i put in the rolling stones and we rolled the windows all the way down and we took off. our hair blowing, he was doing his mick jagger impression. brown sugar! why do you taste so good? we went to the park and he held my hand on the balance beam. we ran in the middle of the road and we skipped on the sidewalks. back to his car and we took off like someone was chasing us. we whispered like we'd done something wrong and then we blasted some more rolling stones. she blew my nose and then she blew my mind.

i hate hate hate going home at the end of the night. i look forward to the day when i'm all moved out of here and living on my own and then we'll stay out playing all night.

i love that boy.

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