whoa this is long.
2002-08-09 - 10:48 p.m.

i anticipated this day all week. i knew it was going to be just as amazing as the other alldayers i have had with you. in fact, i woke up early and i smiled. because i knew that soon i would be with you.

11:00 and you were practically beating down my door. i open it and you fall into me with a kiss. now that's how a girl likes to be greeted. we went to your house with the intention of cooking but i think that neither of us was really hungry. instead we looked at a magazine and joked and played with sharpies. then i followed you into the laundry room while you went to wash your hands. you shut the door and then sat me up on the dryer. my head against the shelf of towels and my mouth against yours. i knew there was a purpose for laundry rooms.

we went to blockbuster to return a movie before actually deciding to eat. you cooked while i read a magazine and sometimes i would look up at you and think how amazing you are.

after we ate we went to my grandma's house. you sat there and charmed my family. i stood by the door and once again thought how amazing you are.

following this, you took me to the toy store where we spent a good deal of time. we touched the stuffed animals and played with the puzzles. you gave me fifty cents for the quarter machines.

we got the hot fudge cakes that i love and "watched a movie." this is in parentheses because we don't really watch movies. instead, you frustrate me. a girl has to keep her vows. she cannot let sexy 20yrold boys have their way with her. not after last time. he knows this and i know this but oh how hard it is to keep one's promises to themselves under such circumstances. so instead, we get hot and sweaty and lose our clothes inside the walls of his bedroom and satisfy our raging hormones for another day. i will tell you something: this boy can look at you in such a way that makes you unable to move. there is much love in his gaze.

we camped out on the floor for a while. hurt our hip bones so we moved back to the bed. he kept almost going to sleep. so we talked.

"it'll be a year and a half in september, you know."

"it's funny how i went from being afraid to hold your hand to us laying here naked."

"it took me forever to work up the nerve to ask you out."

several minutes later.

"erin, when are we going to get married?"

whoa. swoon. i told him that i didn't know. that i didn't think we were mature enough yet. and besides, it was his job to think of the time. it's supposed to be a big surprise right? he asked if it would really be a surprise.

a few minutes later.

"you know, i really think that's what i want."

"uh huh"

"it just feels right. i never questioned it because it just happened. it just..."

"fell into place."

i know these are supposed to be the best years of our life. but i can't help but want time to rush along so that i can sleep beside of you at night.

i want that more than anything.

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