a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.
2002-10-18 - 9:36 p.m.

it happens all the time now. well, really it never stopped, it just feels bad when it happens now. memories. memories i've lived over and over in my head. memories i'd forgotten about.

i put on my jacket this morning and remembered the time i left it at his house. he told me the next day that he had slept with it because it smelled like me.

or firsts. those might be the worst. like the first time we held hands. or the first date. or the first kiss. oh those. they hurt.

looking at the pictures. yeah, they bring tears to my eyes.

i'm tired of everything being so fucking hard.

yeah, hey, i've learned my lesson, okay? and i've also learned that i'm not going to be complete without him. this "be patient" business can die. this constant feeling of loss and emptiness and lonliness can go as well.

just as i hurried the days along in my mind before, i'm hurrying them along now as well. this time is harder though. this time i don't know if he's coming back.

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