the phone rang in the afternoon and that's when i decided to answer it. after days and days of ignoring it's persistant ring, i picked it up today. i said hello as though i were tired of the world, and i guess in a way i am. he acted surprised that i answered and i wondered if he knew i surprised myself by answering. does that make sense? my heart was beating like it thought i'd let it out of my chest, my head hurt and my mouth wouldn't cooperate with my brain. there were long long silences and some heavy breathing. i asked what he thought. i told him what i thought. it was long. it was awkward. he told me he had wanted to be my friend, he wanted to make my heart okay because he knew how having a broken one felt. and i'm more confused now than i've been in a while.

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