2003-03-04 - 12:26 p.m.

yesterday would've been two years. i suspect we would've ended up laying beside each other talking about how it didn't really feel like two years. how we were going to be together forever. i suspect he would be laying to my right, up on his side, head propped on his hand, touching me. i'd be flat on my back, looking at him. or maybe i'd have my eyes closed. it always ended up like that. long days together ended with just being beside each other, touching. that's one of the things i miss the most.

it's kind of like that summer evening that i was sitting on the swing in the backyard, eating honeycomb cereal. i'd never had it before and i thought it was the best stuff i'd ever tasted. so i ate the whole box. later that night, i sat up in bed and i said "it's coming" and ran to the bathroom and puked up a box of cereal. after that, i couldn't even think about honeycomb without feeling sick to my stomach. this is how i feel about him. it's not that he makes me sick, it's that the absense of him makes me sick. any reminder, no matter how insignificant, makes my heart just ache. i get hot inside and cold outside.

i wonder how long it takes to forget a year and a half.

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