only love can break your heart.
2003-03-13 - 9:27 p.m.

yesterday, i picked my sister and her friend up from school. her friend being a boy. they spent the day together. when we came home, our parents were none too pleased. their little girl out with a boy? and one with spikes and studs, no less. and me? assisting in the scheme? i guess i shouldn't encourage such things. me being bitter toward love. swearing off affection. neil young knows best - he wrote a song about it. "only love can break your heart."

love, not lust.

he pulls me toward him by my belt and puts his hands on my hips. looks me right in the eye and asks a simple question

"can i kiss you?"

and when i don't answer he follows up with a quiet little


i shake my head and tell him love is for old people with weak immune systems and he takes my hand and doesn't let go.

and so it goes. i can't understand him. i can't understand what it is he makes me feel, when sometimes i feel like i could seriously be with him and other times i feel truly repulsed. i don't know if this comes from me being afraid and having mixed up messed up feelings or if i just don't need to be with him. but he's just so something. i'm not sure what. today it started pouring rain and thundering. he walks outside and just stands there in the middle of the downpour. comes back in dripping and it's great. i've never met a person who is simultaneously everything i want and everything i don't.

"but only love can break your heart.
try to be sure right from the start.
yes only love can break your heart.
what if your world should fall apart?"

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