my heart is yours, dr. zhivago.
2003-07-17 - 10:30 p.m.

last night around this time, i was going crazy. i had my blanket pulled around my head and i was staring blankly at the screen. unbeknownst to me, my brain was planning an attack. it sent in the thoughts that hurt the most. neurons firing faster faster kill kill
..i just..

everything was blurry and my face was wet and i couldn't understand why or how. usually i don't cry unless there's a very good reason, but last night i made the exception. not willingly. i had no control. it just happened.

one day. i think. i'm going to just. explode.

- - -

sometimes, he tells me things. things that i had been thinking before. sometimes we're so much alike i think one of us is faking.

there was one soul. it split into two parts and entered each of our bodies. a baby daniel. and a baby erin. twenty+ years later, the soul becomes one again.

maybe i talk crazy talk. maybemaybe. it wouldn't be the first time.

i'm at a loss for words. i keep typing things and then erasing them. i cannot find words to fit him. i was wrong when i said i could write and write and write about him because now i'm to the point where he just leaves me standing, speechless. shaking my head and thinking just how much i like him. i'm edging closer to the end of like and i'm about to fall in...

[i know you know]

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