it wears me out
2003-08-12 - 10:28 p.m.

a guy handed me a cd today. a cd-r with his band name and website written in blue and black sharpie. we listened to it on the way to eat.

i bought the bends today. we listened to it on the way to the river. we parked and got out. walking along the sidewalk, avoiding duck poop. serina was singing incessantly and i considered burning a hole in her head with my cigarette of doom. i didn't though.

we left and parked elsewhere. got out and walked along the side of the road. i could feel the wind of the passing cars and thought that maybe i'd get hit. i didn't. we went to the boatyard cemetary. it was dusk, almost dark and chilly from where it had been raining. the grass was wet and deep and my pants were wet almost up to my knees. there were bugs, mostly mosquitos and i have bites all on my arms now. we walked a little bit uphill before the ground leveled off. gravestones were all around the grass, seemingly at random. some tipped over, some completely down. some worn out from age, some completely blank. we left a few minutes later, emerging from the thick grass, wetter than when we'd entered, looking suspicious. running across the road to get to the other side. walking slowly along the side, feeling the wind from the passing cars again. and again i wondered if i'd get hit. i wasn't afraid, i just thought maybe it would happen. it didn't.

i feel stupid lately. or rather, i always feel stupid, sometimes it just escalates.

today it's escalated.

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