matt was talking to me about dennis leary - how he said something about drinking so much you wake up and your liver is next to you smoking a cigarette.

well well..

we made three separate trips to buy alcohol, i believe.

what i remember, i can remember fairly well. so if you have a few minutes to spare, i'd like to tell you the story of how i took a little journey into a world of extreme happiness/craziness/numbness and then merely hours later, plummeted straight down and took a nap on death's door.

the events leading up to The Great Drunken Go-Go Gadget Leg Excursion of 2003. [capital letters and all] included me and daniel mutilating each others arms with black serrated knives from fazoli's. following this, i peed behind a bush at the park and balanced three-fourths of a pepperoni pizza and a cup from taco bell on my head. a trip to the liquor store and the grocery store and then to brent and laura's house.

serina and i colored count dreadula's dreads while we waited to Fuck Ourselves Up All Sillylike Via Alcohol. [capital letters and all; emphasis on "sillylike"]

ah, and then came the alcohol of doom. [sweet, sweet doom] it was after consuming a couple shots that i informed serina she had a grasshopper on her nose. grasshopper nose. grasshopper nose. i opened the freezer door in an alcohol-lusting frenzy and accidentally smashed her face and while she was reinacting the scene for the other people, she knocked several bottles off of the refrigerator and sent them flying all over the kitchen.

insert comments here. i'm not sure what we did but the next thing i remember is us being outside and brent coming home from work and then someone declared:

"COMMENCE HEAVY DRINKING!"

or something witty-like. a fist was probably thrust toward the great beer bong in the sky and i'm pretty sure there was a dance.

well. this was when it truly began for me. laura made strawberry daquiris and lo, they were good and the people in the town rejoiced. those. more shots.

"hey, try this."

"ok!"

i always get the urge to pee outside, but moreso when i'm drunken, so me and serina went outside to do so.

"don't look at my ass, ok?"

"but..i like it.."

"oh...oh..shit.."

"what?"

"i peed myself."

and when went inside again, i showed her the damage and she shouts out "THE URINATOR!" and refers to me as that for quite some time afterward.

soon after, i can't really feel my body anymore. i can't stop laughing and i drool on myself more than i do when i'm sober.

the trips outside became more frequent and more ridiculous.

i followed the cat around until i noticed it didn't have a head. i couldn't go up the stairs without help; couldn't go down unless i scooted on me butt. i fell down a lot in the wet grass. i fell down even while i was sitting down - it was that bad. i saw the mexican squeegee master on the porch and i knocked over so many things. soon, i couldn't move without a push in the right direction and when i did walk, i..lolloped, i guess is the word i'll use. kind of a skipping, stomping, stumbling thing.

if it had alcohol in it, i drank it. surely this is what they meant when they told us "sharing is fun" in kindergarten.

4:30 am was declared "hey let's get naked and run through the grass!" time. but by this time, i was regaining a hold on my pride and modesty. daniel, brent and matt hovered over my pal the meat king and me with a video camera, shouting things about nakedness. and even though i didn't take all my clothes off and even though i didn't run, i still don't want to see that tape.

bedtime is declared and nakedtime occurs and i'm only wearing my drunken grin. everytime we move, the bracelet i stole from daniel jingles and is cold on my bare skin. and i like to think that even though i'm not my sober self, i can still appreciate what went on there underneath the blue sleeping bag. and i like to think that my love for daniel stays the same no matter how stupid i act, so that when we melt into one another it's just as beautiful as it would've been otherwise.

we say i love you and we sleep. i like how even though we're sprawled out on our respective sides of the bed, i still feel connected to him. even though we aren't touching, i still know he's right there beside of me. and when i'd wake up to roll over, i'd look at him there asleep and just smile because i love him so much and sometimes when he'd move around, he'd touch me, and that small touch would send love up and down my spine.

around 11, i woke up and my heart was beating like i'd just killed a group of shrieky pubescent teenage girls. and then it would feel like a rock was beating inside of my chest instead of an organ assisting in my ability to live. not to mention i was nauseous, dizzy and thought i was going to pass out numerous times. we leave quickly, but on the drive to our respective cars, i ask daniel to stop at a gas station. i run inside and die a little inside the gray bathroom walls.

i come outside and we drive to my car and i was afraid to move. i wanted daniel to stay with me, but at the same time i wanted to be alone when i died. i finally got out of the car and made it into mine. driving slowly at first, then, afraid i'd puke before i got home, i broke the speed limit. i decided that if i don't make it, i'll puke in my bookbag and just throw it away when i'm done with the old technicolor yawn.

made it home and thankfully no one was there. i ripped off my clothes on the way to the bathroom and i then proceeded to vomit out every liquid that was ever in my body out into the toilet. i wanted to cry, but i was afraid of losing more fluid.

i didn't want to sleep because i saw strange things everytime i closed my eyes, but an hour later i woke up not remembering ever drifting to sleep. everytime i moved, it felt like my organs were shutting down. and everytime i breathed, i counted on it being my last one. but somehow, i slept the worst of it off. it's been over twentyfour hours since this began and i still feel like..um..death eating an oreo. ..yeah. that's weird.

lesson learned..till tomorrow.

cough.

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