2003-11-14 - 10:47 p.m.

if you think about anything long enough, it becomes strange. weird. not how it started out in your head. this justifies my decision to stop thinking about things. to stop using my head. nothing's normal or sane after i've thought about it. this makes sense to me, but it won't make sense to you.

i don't know why i even bother to write. i haven't been updating because like i said, i haven't been thinking. my life has turned monotonous except for a few hours here and there when i'm allowed to shut my eyes and disappear into the world i have created for daniel and myself. where it's quiet and time doesn't moveitswarm and we share the same air the same space the same molecules and atoms and when we lay together i think our bodies connect and soon our hearts start beating in time together, we start breathing the same. i lay down and i feel him next to me, feel fe




and then i sit up and it's time to go.

i smush the days together in my head, i smush this time together, i fast forward to the future. a man without an ear [yet he wears glasses somehow] put his arm around me today and said 'honey, time don't mean a thing.'




why care about yourself when there's someone else to care for///i

don't know w hat to say.

two days is weighing on me and i wonder if that's okay. i wonder if its healthy. i pretend

to be independent, but really i'm not.

this goes nowhere.

i'll go back to updating every five days about wanting a granola bar again. at least until my head gets sorted out.







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