2003-11-16 - 10:14 p.m.

four tries to add an entry and what i have floating in my head space better come out.

it's just that lately i've felt so full of emotion. like when we were laying on the bed saturday afternoon. i hadn't seen him in two days and for us that's a long time. i was running my fingertips along the skin of his stomach and hip bone and i felt his ribcage and i felt the warmth his body was emitting and i knew his organs were in there beneath my hand, doing their job to keep him alive. blood flowing heart pumping and his skin was so soft and it was just all too much. the perfection that he is for me got to me. it really hit me this time just how much i'm in love, how much i love him and how amazing this really is. and right as tears were about to leak out onto my cheeks and fall onto the pillow, i buried myself into his chest and laid there and breathed him in. there's something very comforting when you know for a fact this is where you're supposed to be. that for the first time in your sad pathetic existance you're doing something right. you're doing something that's making you happy and is in turn making him happy. we're saving each other. we're holding each other up so that we don't fall back into the places we were before we were together. maybe i'm rambling. maybe i think that if i ramble on enough i can get out into words just how fucking much i feel for this one person.

my hands are hovering above the keyboard..


the suffixes have changed. no longer selfish, but selfless instead.


and meanwhile the weekdays will be long; the weekends will be shorter.

withdrawling, my heart will become hard and cold.

tired and numb.



i don't know.

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