i feel like the computer is coming down on me. i feel like i'm falling backward and coming back up again for more. i keep doing the thing where i stick my upper lip out to feel for my septum ring which isn't there.

and i guess i should be happy that i had the experience. that i braved the needle pushing through my flesh. a rite of passage from the world of the terrified.

and i would be lying if i said i did that completely for myself. i didn't. i mentioned it and then daniel fueled my fire. i probably wouldn't have thought much about it, probably wouldn't have done it. i don't know. but really what it comes right down to is that i enjoyed standing out. i enjoyed the attention.

eye-catching.

one in a million.

you're not supposed to look like that, you didn't come that way, so i'm going to point at you.

and now i'm back to where i was before i started.

and i don't like it. i want to be different. and maybe that wasn't the way to go about it. artificial. vain. but you can't see inside me. you can only see my exterior. you don't know my heart. so how else can i stand out in a crowd?

it's painful to be sucked back into the sheep.

i should erase this.

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