2003-12-27 - 10:52 p.m.

it's cold outside

the florescent lights were shining holes in my eyes and i thought i was jumping but i was standing there. still. daniel was talking to me and i wasn't listening the lights were shining in my ears. daniel was talking to me but i couldn't understand why i was jumping in place.

and i told him "we have to get out of here." and we were walking and my innards were pouring through my body and filling up my shoes. tingling inside my socks and the floor stretched out in front of me and the door moved further away.

once outside the cold air hit my face and that helped but soon didn't make much of a difference. neither did the water.

the heater burns my face and my insides are racing my brain is racing and my heart is beating fast breathing fast

'your brain is panicking.' he said.

love love love love
is rising in my throat like bile
and i am on fire

the world is spinning the lights are bright and mesmerizing and i'm afraid to shut my eyes i'm going to die before i can wake up again but they're heavy and

and i climb over the emergency brake to lean on top of daniel who touches his cool hands to my face and tells me to slow down. slow down my breathing and he watched me as i stared into the black night lit up by streetlights and neon signs.

he gets into the driver seat and i don't know what i was doing while he was driving i don't remember it at all. just that when we got to his house he said "alright. here we go." and opened the door and i went straight to his room. i stared off into space while he wasn't in my line of vision. then suddenly there he was. right beside of me. and he put his arms around me and life was good.

insert those things here that i don't feel like sharing because i want them for myself. thoughts and memories and feelings too big to put into words.

but uh. yeah. i'm in love. with daniel and my flame colored gameboy sp with the skull stickers.

i had a good day.

prev */* next