i want to start over. not because it's a new year, but because of every other reason i should. my life is not in order, no priorities are straight and i am completely unaligned. but how does one go about beginning again when there's so much past to consider, to sort through, to filter out.

the bridges that i walk across are weak.

[[[surround me]]]

set this place on fire.

sliding into the car
i know that you know
how i've fallen apart in long straight lines
full of smoke and heavy breath
wait for me to realign myself
wait for me.

driving in the fog there were halos around the lights and it was difficult to see. and i wasn't sure sometimes if the fog was outside or if it was in my head. driving under the streetlights, some of them would blink out as i approached to drive underneath them.

and although my eyes were open they may have well been shut. thought processes, heat and being tired affect me and the one around me.

and it gets so tedious to be in the place i am right now. lately i want to be alone. for one day. solitude. an empty house that i can fill with music. the volume shaking the windows that i don't want to see out of anymore.

if you leave, just leave yourself outside the door.

i am as intricate as a spiderweb and torn down as quickly as i was created.

i am the most independent of all, but i rely on you to get me through the day.

i am the sun peeking through the clouds on a rainy day and i am t he rain that soaks through your clothes and chills you to the bone.

i am the hope you find when you thought you had none left and i am another need, another battle another one more thing that comes along.

i am the nicotine that soothes your craving and i am the smoke that rots your lungs away.

i am the beautiful music that fills your heart to the brim and i am the sour note that drives into your ear drum.

i am not the alpha, nor the omega.
not the beginning or the end.
i am the middle, the core, the heart of the system and

i

will

destroy

you. ///unless i destroy myself first.///

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