you have to read this. i read it last night so many times. i can't get it out of my head. i wrote it all over my body in blue sharpie last night. i took a shower this morning and watched as the blue ink mixed with the water and ran down the drain.

..

[this isn't all of it; just parts]

you don't have money here
you trade information and skin
right now
there are thousands of forgotten people trying to remember you
no one here has goals like
get a job, get married, have kids.

the ambitions are
wake up,
breathe
keep breathing.

you have driven these streets a thousand times and all they offer is their exhaustion
your nightmares have your name now
you exit the glitter storm, go home alone and embrace the violence instead.
this city has claimed all your blood and memory.
this is cool and unusual punishment
you go for years without touching another.

THE AMBITIONS ARE
WAKE UP,
BREATHE,
KEEP BREATHING.

THE AMBITIONS ARE
WAKE UP,
BREATHE,
KEEP BREATHING.
there's a voice on the loudspeaker and she speaks your language.

[here comes the interrogation room scene today's the day you're gonna get caught.]
you're terrified of what you crave.
the sweet things don't stick around, but the bullshit lasts forever.

who's running the machine you run on?
wish you had someone to speak code with
wish you had someone to steal things for

you just want to die a little bit.
ink and paint making you faint in your pale pale shirts.

get in the car get in the car get in the car
and what you hear is the sound of impact
turn around and check your body for bruises
THERE IS NO ONE HERE TO TAKE CARE OF YOU.
open-mouthed, waiting for a candy kiss and all you get is rain communion.

are you laughing? they are.

and this one is a fire & that one is a flame + this one is a spark that is a match you put out in your mouth when no one was looking.

and in your dreams your grandparents live forever and you throw your love into the air like glitter swallowing stars, spitting up stardust.

the ambitions are wake up, breathe, keep breathing

mothers wring their hands and say: "i'm so at a loss."

best friend says: "i have come not to praise you, but to destroy you with my bare fucking hands."

the girl on the television says: "you all work for me now."

so you drive your dead body home at night and when you sleep, the angels kisses are mercury, mercury breaking love into lust grinding pearls into dust.

the ambitions are wake up, breathe, keep breathing. the ambitions are wake up, breathe,

...keep breathing.

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