2001-12-26 - 11:02 p.m.

22 degree weather was trying to get into the well-heated car. at least the npr weather man said it was 22 degrees. it was dark out and felt later than it really was. it was only around 6:30. we were driving in a city thirty minutes away from our own and everything felt different. it wasn't anything new, we'd been here before many times, but it was different. i can't explain how or why, but i just felt it. i felt a lot tonight, instead of just seeing, i felt too. i felt the other times i'd been here. remembered how i felt the last time i was here with you and the time before that and before that. it was the strangest thing. how i was seeing everything i'd seen before, but in a different way. like a newborn baby would feel - seeing everything for the first time. awe and wonder. amazement at everything.

your hand was on my knee. my knee grew so accustomed to your warmth that when you took it off to change gears, i couldn't wait for you to put it back on just so i could warm up again. it was like a wonderful blanket on a cold winter night. and it was only your hand.

cat stevens, simon+garfunkel, yes and led zeppelin were on the stereo. the strand of your christmas lights had burned out a few days before, but i suppose it didn't matter now as christmas is over.

i had my elbow on the edge of the window and the reflection of my ring on the glass caught my eye. it made me think back to the previous night.

how you were hovering sweetly over me waiting for me to open your gift to me. how i was so nervous because i didn't want you to watch me. self-conscious. 'just open it, alright?' and i did. inside the green fuzzy stocking was a ring. silver, with twelve tiny diamonds across the front. amazing. i put it on and i almost cried. my eyes were watery and so i kind of kept my head down. i knew if you saw me like that i'd start to really cry and not stop. i'd be a mess. so i jumped up and went to the bathroom. did you think i didn't like it? because i loved it. maybe too much.

back to tonight, you took me to mcdonalds and made sure they gave me enough barbeque sauce. we ate while watching cops and you would sing the theme song between each chicken nugget. that got kind of old, really. when doug came on, we layed down on the couch and i ran my finger over the little dent in your cheek. i smiled and you asked why. i told you i thought your scar was cute. you told me that it was from the tonka truck incident of 84. so then i showed you the dent in my head that is a chicken pox scar.

we're so in love we can compare dented heads.

||where i'll end up well i think only god really knows| ||

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