i haven't slept in a while. i felt like if i were to sleep, i would lose valuable daniel right beside erin time. that's not to be wasted. in between kissing and touching i would open my eyes to find his on mine and this look. this look that i have no words to describe. this look that makes my heart explode into a million pieces and slide into my bloodstream, sending waves of feeling to all points of my body.

feeling.

to have him touch me means all the rest of the world leaves. vanishes from my mind and memory and my thoughts are concentrated on him.

thoughts form in my head and i start to speak them aloud and they get stuck. because i try to say so much at once. i want to tell him exactly how i feel. exactly what he does to me when he's doing it. but words always fail me. he leaves me in a stuttering mess. i want to convey to him somehow what i feel inside this useless body. inside my brain and my heart and other places that he has conquered.

i never thought that i would feel whole again. that i would ____ in a complete direction, entirely directed toward your heart. so much to say to you. so much. but i don't know how. [the words get stuck in my throat]

maybe i'm repeating myself.

i keep mispelling words. like misspell. MISS SPELL. backspace. backspace. it's tired and i'm late is what i keep typing but what i mean is i'm tired and it's late.

the fact that i've not slept is good for one thing - i can go to sleep right away and not have to lay there wishing that it was like last night. when i could lay in his arms. when i could feel his body heat radiating onto me. when i can roll over from not really sleeping to see him laying there in complete daniel perfection and smile like an idiot despite my hangover. stupid alcohol. blast.

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