2001-08-06 - 10:11 a.m.

i knew that today would be a bad day when i woke up because of my fan making a horrible, shrill noise. i knew it would be a bad day when the sun was shining directly into my eyes.

i don't -need- anything else to go wrong.


i walked outside to feed my fish and who was floating upside down but my sweet little bill? he wasn't just playing around, he was dead. i believe i have enough to worry about right now without my fish dying. granted, that was a small thing, but small things pile up to make messes.


if you do something stupid, make a mistake, and you worry like mad that something's going to happen, but then it all works out...what's going to keep you from doing it again? because hey, you got out of it, and chances are you can get out of it again.

what's going to keep me from making the same mistake?


i just want to stop worrying. i can't stand waiting. for anything. and now is no exception. now is 10 times harder than i've ever had to wait. 10 times more than i've ever had to worry. and i brought it all on myself. for a brief, wonderful moment last night, i thought everything was going to be okay, but i found out that it might not be and now i just feel sick.


i'm. such. an. idiot.

put me out of my misery, please.

|||e nd||

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