2002-04-06 - 9:49 p.m.

so what happens is - i wake up to a strange man in my house. or rather, the voice of a strange man. no, i wasn't on drugs and yes, i was fully awake. how could i not be awake with the sound of 25 irate woodpeckers next to my head? my mother comes into my room.

"hey are you awake?"

"yes i've gotta pee. i've been holding it all night."

"well, what if i bring you a cup?" she says.

blank stare.

"um...i don't think i can get it in a cup."

her: "surely you don't have to pee that much...it'll fit, it's a big cup."

me: "sure, but i don't know if my aim is that good...can i have a bucket?"

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