let it rain//bring my happy back again
2003-06-16 - 7:35 p.m.

don't tell me that things don't happen for a reason. everything does. i noticed it when, remembering to not drive on a certain lane [a lane in which many many accidents occur] a car passed over the line on my side. the side i would've been on had i not remembered it wasn't safe to drive there.

today i didn't wear my glasses for a while because i felt the world was too much to look at.

today i felt so much in my heart for one person that i was unable to speak. i could only stare, tears in my eyes, while i felt like my heart was breaking into pieces. not in a bad way. not this time.

i feel irritable and off. i don't want to be touched, yet there are people in my personal space. i don't wish to converse, but there are conversations all around.

yet. i feel happy. i look forward to the day beginning now. i don't love my bed as much as i did in the past months.

the wall that i worked so carefully to build around myself is slowly being torn down by a person i didn't think ever existed. and certainly didn't exist for my benefit. the bricks are not so perfectly stacked now, but instead lay strewn across the ground. us standing in the middle of them. mine is not the only wall that needs breaking. mine is not the only heart that needs glued back together.

"if you trust me," he said, "i think i can put you back together."

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