ambitions. 2004-01-16 - 10:42 p.m. no. just. no. &&& ......... suddenly everything that has ever entered my body threatens to heave itself upward and outward and the hot panic that i had forgotten shoved itself in my esophagus and settled in for a while. there is a knot in my stomach and my eyes will fill up, threatening to spill over because this just will not stop. you always think it's over; think things will return to normal WHATEVER THE FUCK NORMAL IS but they won't. they don't. inside, i am a scared little girl, but outside i'm an adult with no one to tell me it's going to be okay. because really, no, it's not. the roles have reversed. & disguises are thin. i can never be fooled for long...but i think maybe i'd like to be.
the ambitions are wake up, breathe, keep breathing.
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